Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i dont even know how to be here
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
