So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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