i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
