Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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