I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
