Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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