I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
