In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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