and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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