I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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