I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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