There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
