I've blown a few things in my day
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This can only be settled by a dance off.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
