I bet he comes in French.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
