I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
