i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
