I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So much rum. So many feels.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
