I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
