I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
