I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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