Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
