Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
