The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
