This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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