Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
