My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
