The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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