Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
