And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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