I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
