He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
