we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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