when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
