I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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