Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
