So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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