Someone shit on the floor
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize