I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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