Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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