he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
