ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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