Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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