office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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