Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
