walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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