he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My penis needs a shock collar
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
