This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
