How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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