how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
