I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
