Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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