Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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