dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
