I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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