Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
