i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
