remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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