Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
