He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
