put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
