you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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