I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
