Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
