5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
