Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
