All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
