Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize