Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
