he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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