a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just saw a hot homeless man
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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